Mastering DMing: Tell Players “Yes”

When I think about my least favorite RPG sessions as a player, four sessions immediately come to mind:

• A con game where the DM knew every player but me and I mostly got ignored as a player
• Another con game, where the plot was clearly set and our players were merely bystanders with no agency
• Two games where a DM told me or other players unequivocally, “No, you can’t do that.”

Different styles of gaming treat players differently. OSR players want a sense of agency and prefer to not be following a prescriptive plot. Trad RPG players want to know their character’s motive–why would they be here doing this? But in every style, hearing your Dungeon Master say, “No, you can’t try that,” really sucks.

From childhood, we don’t like being told “no.” But beyond that, the very notion of RPGs speaks of freedom, openness, and choice. RPGs give you the chance to be and do what you couldn’t in other circumstances. So it’s frustrating when the Game Master positions themselves as a barrier to fun or choice.

That said, there are a couple rare circumstances where “no” is appropriate and even preferable:

• When a player is being crude or offensive
• When a player is violating your group’s norms or safety protocols

Even then, there are appropriate ways to have that conversation that’s not a full-out “no” in front of everyone. But beyond this very rare circumstance, I think you should be aiming to tell your players YES whenever possible. And there are a few ways to do that…

Option 1: Just say “Yes!”

OK, imagine it. Your players come up with some kind of cockamamie scheme that not only denies the laws of physics, but even simple rationality. Then you have five sets of eyes look toward you, as though they’re waiting to hear about how it’s implausible, impossible, and idiotic. But instead you say, “Sounds good to me! Let’s go for it!”

Few things make a player get pumped quite like hearing their insane plan might work–or at least might get the chance to. Now, from a DM perspective, saying “yes” moves the action forward. So that’s another reason to say it. That said, there are some circumstances where it simply doesn’t make sense to say “yes.” Maybe the idea being proposed is inordinately risky to the PCs. In that circumstance, it’s time for a second option.

Option 2: Say “Yes, but…”

One of the key principles of improv is to never say “no.” Instead, respond with “Yes, and…” Affirm the other actor’s agency, but then add to it! Another key principle of improv is to not kill the other person’s character. So clearly, improv and RPGs aren’t exactly the same. “Yes, and…” is fine. It’s the same as saying “Yes.” But I find that “yes, but…” is an extremely powerful response.

“Yes, but…” is appropriate when the player is suggesting something that might have dire consequences. Probably a decade ago, while playing a Star Wars RPG game, a building was burning and the party’s R2 droid was trapped inside. The tough guy PC’s player said, “I’m going back in to save the droid.” I responded, “OK, but…the odds are extremely high that you could get trapped and die. The structure is looking weak. If you go in, I’m going to roll a d20–on a 1-5, it will collapse on you.” He smiled slyly and responded, “I’m going in.” Then I rolled the d20 in front of all the players… He was successful and the table went bananas. It was fantastic.

One of the basic principles of Cairn 2e is “Players should always understand the reasons behind the choices they’ve made, and information about potential risks should be provided freely and frequently.” “Yes, but…” gives you an opportunity to do that. When players want to do something insanely difficult or dangerous, it’s time for the “Yes, but…” And if they go out in a blaze of glory…that’s on them! And it’s a good story too. Now, there’s a third option that you could also consider in extreme situations:

Option #3: The sneaky yes, “No, however…”

Sometimes the players’ ideas just don’t work. They violate the rules of the game, the setting, or totally go around the challenge. Maybe they can violate physics a time or two, but I don’t recommend always allowing it. Precedent can come back to bite you, if your players have a memory like mine. That’s why you need the “No, however…”

OK, so the player gives you an idea that just can’t work. But do you see what they’re trying to achieve? What would they need to fix to make their idea work? Or how could they basically accomplish the same thing in a different way? This is your opportunity to empower the player. Give them a hint or an alternative that might work. That’s what the “No, however” is for.

In some ways, “No, however” introduces a negotiation mini-game into the session. You and the player can go back and forth, haggling with the help of the table, to find a solution that will achieve what they’re trying to accomplish. And ultimately, you want players to achieve their ends. So help them do it! You’re not their opponent. Yes, you’re trying the challenge them. But to what ends? The ends of fun. So work with the players, go back and forth, and help them find a solution that works.

What do you lose…or gain?

So what do you as the DM lose by telling players yes? True, you lose some agency. But the game isn’t about the DM. It’s about telling a story together. And that means sharing agency–that’s how creating things together works!

And, in my experience, this approach actually makes the game way more fun for me as the DM. The surprise and enjoyment for me is how the players are going to figure things out. So I aim to give them as much agency as possible. And that is more fun for the players too. So give it a shot! Lean into your three yeses: “yes,” “yes, but,” and “no, however…”